


Identity, or The Many Uses of Coffee

by kuonji



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: First Time, Humor, Identity Issues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-09
Updated: 2012-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-05 02:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuonji/pseuds/kuonji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"Daniel?"  "Not now, Jack.  I'm having an identity crisis."</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Identity, or The Many Uses of Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative Links:  
> <http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/13491.html>

"Daniel?"

Daniel gritted his teeth. "Not now, Jack. I'm having an identity crisis."

There was a pause.

"Are you done now?"

"No!"

"You've been in there a while."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Good to know you're keeping track."

Another pause.

"Need any help?"

"Not exactly a group effort here!" Daniel shouted back through the door. "Look, can you just leave me alone for a while?"

"How long?"

"I don't know. Half an hour?"

"What if I gotta pee?"

"Jack!"

"Okay, okay." Footsteps trailed away, and Daniel heaved a sigh of relief.

He removed his glasses and rubbed his face wearily. Then, as if struck with a thought, he fumbled them back on and leaned over the sink to stare at his reflection in the mirror. He frowned in concentration, his eyes shifting minutely to take in everything from scowling forehead to flushed cheeks to defiantly jutted chin.

His frown deepened suddenly, and he pursed his lips, then stretched them out in a grimace.

"I don't pout," he insisted to himself. He tilted his face this way and that, studying his own face at every angle. "I don't," he said again, making his voice sound more sure.

He scraped his fingers through his hair ferociously, closing his eyes to his skeptical reflection. He slowed, fingering the hair behind his ears. It had once been noticeably longer. He rubbed the back of his head, where affectionate hands had ruffled the strands more than once.

"Urgh!" he exploded, jerking his hand away. "This is stupid."

He turned on both knobs of the faucet and splashed his face with lukewarm water. Shutting them off again, he reached out with assured blindness for the hand towel on the wall.

After scrubbing his face dry, he rehung the towel, his fidgeting fingers taking several tries before he got the corners perfectly lined up.

With a visible start, he noticed what he was doing. Grunting, he pulled the towel askew again, ruining the prim symmetry of the embroidered edge. There.

He stared down his reflection again, leaning his hands on the edge of the counter in a belligerent pose.

"I'm not gay."

His mouth twisted, incredulous. Okay.

"I'm not gay for Jack."

That sounded better. His reflection nodded approvingly. That settled that.

He patted down his pockets, after a few seconds locating and pulling out his keychain and separating out his car keys. "Straight out the door," he muttered, putting his hand on the doorknob. "Goodnight, Jack. No. See you tomorrow, Jack. Yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow. That's good."

He groaned. "No, _not_ good. Jesus."

He slumped back against the wall. "Yes, General Hammond. I need to quit. What? Oh, no reason. I've just suddenly gone completely _insane_." He thumped his head against the wall. "I am so screwed."

He took a deep breath. Huffed it out.

An eyebrow rose, and he took another deep breath, this time letting it out slowly. Straightening, he repeated the deep inhale, and a smile started at the left corner of his mouth, gradually spreading its way across his entire face.

Daniel opened the door slowly and poked his head out. He inhaled again, then stepped outside.

He made his way to the kitchen on soft socked feet, dropping his keys carelessly on Jack's end table on the way.

Jack was sitting at the dining table, a newspaper spread out before him. He looked up at Daniel's entrance and smiled warmly, with just a touch of teasing.

"Crisis-ing all done?"

Daniel shrugged, a bit uncomfortable, a lot embarrassed. "Yeah, I think so."

"I made coffee."

"Uh, yeah. I noticed."

"Want some?"

Jack held out a mug, still steaming. Daniel leaned forward, helpless to stop himself. The heady, aromatic scent was clearly meant to hypnotize.

Daniel sighed. "I think I must be losing my mind."

"Why is that?"

Daniel took the proffered mug, then set it away on the counter. He looked Jack straight in the eye. "Because I'd rather continue making out on the couch with you."

Jack's face lit up like Christmas. "You sure about that?"

"Strangely, yes."

  
END.

**Author's Note:**

> Usually I write stories that get into characters' heads.  This topic (the omg-I'm-gay moment) seemed overdone, though, so I wanted to do something different.  Wound up, I decided to write it with an entirely clueless third-person pov, such that it could conceivably be acted out like a script.  Tell me if it worked for you. :)
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:  
>      [Barefoot and Pregnant](http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/12842.html) (Stargate SG-1), by kuonji  
>      [Animal, Vegetable, Mineral](http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/17537.html) (Stargate SG-1), by kuonji  
>      [Buoyancy](http://trickster.org/~sakana17/sg/buoyancy.html) (Stargate SG-1), by Keiko Kirin  
> 


End file.
